The maid of honor just puked.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
