I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
