I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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