There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
