So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
