Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
