you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
