life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
