I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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