too bad you live with your parents still
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
