I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
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I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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