did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Text me some of your sweat
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