i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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