I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
