You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
