hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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