its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i need an iv and a liver transplant
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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