her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
