Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
