I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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