Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
