something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
