If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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