Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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