Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
