but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
