I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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