Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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