I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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