he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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