She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
