i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
