Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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