He is an equal opportunity slut.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
