TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
