you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
