I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We have started to decorate penises.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
