I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
