I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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