That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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