I just threw up on my dentist
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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