I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
