Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
