Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
