Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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