dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Found the puke drawer
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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