He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
