so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
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So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
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I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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