Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
