she woke up with a sticky ear
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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