I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
