thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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