Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
