I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
