I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
