your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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