I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
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It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
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Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
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