i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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