did you get engaged???
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
