So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
