so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
