just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize